FAQs
Is this just about sex?
Between apps, bathhouses, and various other groups there is no shortage of sex to be had. However, there is a shortage of connection. Communaked prioritizes connection above all else and this is infused into all of our events, regardless of whether or not there is sexual activity.
So, there IS going to be sex?
We communicate the intention of every event we run so that attendees can share expectations and comfort levels. We use our “dickometer” to give an at-a-glance explanation of intent alongside a deeper description of what attendees can expect:
Social intent
Supportive touch is acceptable,
e.g. hand-holding, cuddling, or hugging.
Sensual intent
There may be both social and sexual activities, but sex is not a target.
Sexual intent
Boners, blowjobs, and butts. Oh my! Sex is the main focus.
What if I get a boner at an event which is “social intent”?
Boners happen and are often not within your control. What you can control is what you do with it. There’s no need to hide it, but at events with “social intent” we ask you not to act on it. This means avoiding playing with yours or with others’!
Your guiding principles talk about sex-positivity. This doesn’t sound very sex-positive.
We communicate (and enforce) the intent of our events so that people can make an informed consensual decision about the environment they are attending. Unexpected sexual activity—i.e. sex at an event which has “social intent”—is a breach of informed consent. Our members have complex lives and complex hinterlands; it is unsafe to assume that everyone wants sex or to be around sex. Acknowledging the intent of events also normalizes conversations of sexual activity, meaning that sex isn’t secret or unanticipated, which subverts cultural norms.
What if I’m not attracted to someone at sensual or sexual events?
Communaked is built on the foundations of body appreciation and body acceptance.
Body appreciation means valuing the features, functionality, and health of the body. It is not about appreciating one’s appearance or how it compares with cultural ideals.
Body acceptance means expressing love for and comfort with the body, even if not completely satisfied with all aspects of it. It is not about feeling perfect, highly physically attractive, or believing that one’s body cannot be changed.
Being beautiful and being sexually attractive are different things. Every body is beautiful but our personal preferences (often informed by cultural ideals) mean that not everyone will be sexually attractive to everyone else. And that’s ok. But we have a choice in how we express our preferences to others: With kindness or with cruelty. When someone expresses sexual interest in you but you don’t reciprocate, a kind response is as simple as: “Thank you, but I’m not feeling sexually into you.” Cruelty can manifest as pulling a face, making derogatory remarks, or even pretending to be attracted to someone when you’re not. Communaked believes that kindness is crucial to community.
“We have to be kind. Please. Be kind.”
What happens if someone is unkind?
Please let us know, because maintaining the values of this community is critical to us and we cannot act if we don’t know what’s happened.
If we become aware that a member is acting or has acted in an unkind manner, we have a three-strike rule:
In the first instance we will contact the member, explaining how their behavior is inconsistent with our values and suggest alternate behavior should they attend future events.
If a second complaint is received about that member–regardless of whether the nature/content of the complaint is similar–we will contact the member again and their attendance may be restricted to certain events.
A third complaint will mean the member is barred from attending any Communaked event.
We review membership annually and strikes can be maintained or removed at our discretion. Members can talk to us about this process at any time.
